Akademik

n.

Language that uses jargon, euphemisms, and other devices to hide the true meaning of what is being said.

"The fine art of camouflanguage is alive and well in the business world, as evidenced by these excerpts from the Quarterly Review of Doublespeak:

* After taking the trip of a lifetime, a reader sent his 12 rolls of film to Kodak for developing (or 'processing,' as Kodak likes to call it) only to receive the following notice:

'We must report that during the handling of your 12 35mm Kodachrome slide orders, the films were involved in an unusual laboratory experience.'

The use of the passive is a particularly nice touch, don't you think? Nobody did anything to the films; they just had a bad experience. Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his pictures all over again, using the 12 replacement rolls Kodak so generously sent him.

* The description on the package of Stouffer's veal tortellini with Tomato Sauce says it contains 'exquisite egg pasta.' The list of ingredients, however, includes 'cooked noodle product.'

* An oriental rug store in St. Louis advertises 'semi-antique' rugs."

— "When You Don't Want to Say What You Really Mean," Roanoke Times & World News, March 19, 1998